September 3 at 5:50 pm is the exact moment I decided to make my life hell for 24 hours. So I have been a member of the
sex dating app Tinder on and off since I was a sophomore in college which is about four years, give or take. I have had zero lasting success in the time I’ve been trapped in the hellscape of online dating. I’ve been feeling bored, I want a change and since Tinder isn’t changing how it operates any time soon, I had to take matters into my own hands.
I decided to send the first message to all the men I’m currently matched with.
This includes men I’ve swiped right on drunk, on accident, or when I just really hated myself. I’m sure you’re wondering how many men was I going to send a message to.
That’s a lot of fuckboys for me to talk to in 24 hours. Do I hate myself right now? Yes. Am I already regretting this decision? Absolutely. I’m doing it though. I mean as I’m writing this its already been done so there is no turning back now.
The rules are as follows:
- No unmatching people I didn’t want to message
- No unmatching period so I can see how many men unmatch me for sending the first message
- I must answer every man that messages me back
- This experiment has to go till 6:00pm on September 4th
So what to send to get the highest amount of responses? Honestly I picked the standard “Hey!!!” because I’m a girl so I don’t honestly have to try that hard for men to answer lets be real here and it’s very easy to copy and paste to send to all my future suitors.
FIRST 30 MINUTES
I have received responses from 15 men. No one has unmatched me yet. So I guess we’re doing good. One poor bastard is very confused how we matched since hes currently 222 miles away from me. I don’t have the heart to tell him its because we matched like two months ago.
I forgot to mention, to some very attractive men I sent a gif of Joey saying How You Doin to spice it up a bit. This one did not disappoint.
THE REST OF THE EVENING
I got an overwhelming amount of messages. I’m talking like over twenty men texting me. My stress levels were at an all time high trying to tell them apart. Most were incredibly boring and asked the standard “why are you on Tinder?” Conversations like that are why I do not talk to most men past day two.
THE NEXT MORNING
I woke up to only six messages, which was frankly a relief. No man had unmatched me yet. Honestly I wanted some of them to so I could be free from my mistake. Alas, I must struggle on for the rest of the day.
*insert SpongeBob narrator voice* NINE HOURS LATER
My phone proceeded to go off at work all day with Tinder notifications. My dumbass forgot to screenshot my lock screen to show the madness. I mostly just got new men answering me finally or the men from the night before desperately trying to hold a conversation.
(This was not the honest answer)
The hardest part about this experiment is the random matches that kept appearing throughout the night and day that were not part of the experiment that tried to talk to me. This guy was the highlight of it. The first group of messages was sent in a five minute time frame.
So overall this was not a traumatizing experience like I thought it would be. All the men were either polite and seemed nice to talk to or they bored me. No super provocative messages were received. I lost no matches and gained three thirst follows on Instagram. I’d call that a win in the game of Tinder.